With Valentines Day just around the corner now is the time to look closely at your relationship, take some time to do something special and give it a good old fashioned dose of ROMANCE! Like the relationship with yourself, a good loving relationship with a partner requires regular care, nurturing, time and attention. It needs constant check-ups and check-ins with one another. Often people say they wish they had that excitement and thrill they had at the beginning of their relationship; understand that while you can still work at creating the excitement, what you are gaining as your relationship grows with time is something a lot deeper. Unfortunately we live in a consumer society and this is often reflected in our relationships. If someone is not happy, without much thought they just up and leave.
But what we all need to realise is that relationships are a chance to not only accept love but to learn about many virtues, like patience, understanding, forgiveness, tolerance and respect. A relationship is a place where you can grow individually and together and by allowing each other to do just that you create a very powerful, truthful bond.
'Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.' M. Scott Peck
Gorgeous and so true! So how can we possibly keep the flames burning? How do we keep that spark and ability to feel that closeness throughout a long-lasting relationship? Here we are going to delve into some tried and true tips and suggestions that many have told to us are the keys to their successful long standing relationship! We love them all.
One point to remember... when things feel a little tired, or you sense there are changes talk, talk and make sure you do more talk. Don’t expect things to stay the same and always make time to work on and improve your relationship and most importantly - listen. One thing we have also learned is you cannot change another person. Sometimes we have to accept that there is an end point to some relationships and that is ok. As Dr Brian Weiss so eloquently says in his book 'Only Love Is Real' - 'Sometimes couples need to move on. This is not a tragedy, only a matter of learning. You have eternal life together, but sometimes you may need to take separate classes.' We LOVE this. It doesn't make anyone wrong.
Many say try doing some of those extra special things for one another that you did at the beginning of your relationship. Don't expect that the other knows you love them. NEVER stop telling your special flame how much you love them! For special anniversaries or memories, make time once a year to really splash out on each other. This is not necessarily about spending lots of money — it’s more important that you splash out with your time, energy and attention.
Remember that you are both going through life together through good times and bad. Be willing to work on your relationship, keep it exciting and fun. Here’s some things to think about especially in the month of LOVE!
• Don’t take each other for granted, appreciate each other. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ go a long way.
• Go on regular dates. Just the two of you. Dinner, movies, theatre, why not try ten-pin bowling, hot pools, private spas, picnic, art galleries etc ... Don’t get boring — keep some fun happening in there! Try different things!
• Turn the television off and spend some time together.
• Communicate what is going on in your lives. Talk about your future, set goals and plan together. Even setting budgets and planning your year is important.
• While you both may have different goals and desires, remember a partnership built on love will support and encourage each other. Be each other’s fan club!
• Keep the romance alive, be adventurous. Set aside time for lovemaking — for some couples life can get so busy you have to actually make a date and time for this connection! It may not have to be at night and in bed either; it could be a daytime encounter! Surprise one another! One of our grandmother's favourite piece of advice to us was 'give him a quickie, it'll do wonders for your relationship!' Ha! We still chuckle at that one!
• Aromatherapy can stir and arouse passion and there are certain essential oils that increase our sexual response. This is because they work on the limbic part of our brain which is responsible for our sex drive. Oils with aphrodisiac qualities are: Jasmine, Ylang Ylang, Patchouli, Clary Sage, Neroli, Rose, Sandalwood, and Orange. Of course you can go no further than our exceptional Romance & Intimacy Blend for the perfect combination!
• Touch is a powerful communicator, so give each other a shoulder or foot massage once a week. One of the best ways to spice up your love life is through an aromatherapy massage. Let the following recipes inspire you:
‘In The Mood’: Ylang Ylang, Orange, Neroli
‘Magic Moments’: Patchouli, Orange, Ylang Ylang
‘Romantic Melt’: Rose, Sandalwood, Jasmine
‘Weekend Away’: Bergamot, Ylang Ylang, Sandalwood
Blend a total of 10 drops of essential oils into 20ml of massage base oil or use 6–8 drops total in your vaporiser.
• Start the day with a kiss, no matter how busy the day ahead is.
• Be open to learning relationship skills; there are some great books and courses around. Check out relationships specialists who can help teach you fantastic tools and skills together.
• Think about what your partner would like — you don’t have to spend a fortune, it can be cooking his favourite meal, buying her a bottle of wine or getting a video for the night.
• Small surprises are the ultimate — a note under a pillow or an essential oil bath can make one another feel cared for and special. Sharing an aromatic bath is a wonderfully sensual way to relax with your partner. Set the scene by lighting candles around the bath and choose 3 aphrodisiac oils (e.g. Orange, Patchouli and Ylang Ylang or the Romance & Intimacy Blend). Add a total of 6 drops to your bath.
• Never go to sleep on an argument — talking it out clears the mind, allowing a more restful sleep. And then you can start the new day with fresh possibilities.
• Spend time on your own — relationship experts agree that we all need time out alone to pursue your own thoughts and interests, and time with your own friends. Allow time and space just for you and encourage your partner to do the same.
• Learn something new together — it may be golf, kayaking, art classes, dancing. Share your interests and discover what you could do together outside what you both already know.
• According to Alan Pease, women have a much greater need to talk than men. If you feel like your man doesn’t talk enough, it could just be that he has spent his ‘talk quota’ for the day. Run him a bath, place four drops of Lavender (to relax) and four drops of Orange (to enhance communication) in the water. Give him some time to enjoy it, then see how willing he is to chat!
• Always remember birthdays and anniversaries — a perpetual calendar, PDA, smartphone or iPhone does the trick here!
• New lingerie goes a long way!
• Laugh together!
• The bedroom or ‘boudoir’ is your sanctuary to share together. They say one should never argue in this room — anywhere else, but not in the bedroom! Set the ambience in your bedroom by lighting your vaporiser at least half an hour before going to bed and switching off the lights. Play some soft music to create a truly romantic environment and a complete change of state from your busy day. Truth is after many years together you really do need to make an effort here. Don't take it for granted. Don't wait for your partner to do it - you might be waiting a long way. Sometimes they need prompting... Lead the way!
Lastly, remember that you and your partner are different. You may have different personalities, priorities, drives and desires. Understanding and accepting these differences will allow your relationship to grow. Relationships are a full- time job, so take time to invest in learning about yourself and each other. Attend relationship counselling if you need to work through things and there are some great relationship books out there like the oldie but goodie Mars and Venus in the bedroom by John Gray Ph.D. A good, loving relationship is worth the effort.
Happy Valentines Day everyone!!
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Cheers!